The new Cruze is a man having a mid-life crisis

"Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To" (murdersofa) 04/07/2016 at 19:14 • Filed to: None

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Just had this thought at work. Bear with me on this one:

Here we have a Chevy Cruze. Like a middle-aged man, it isn’t a stunner, but it’s also not ugly. Simple, somewhat plain, it’s utilitarian and has modest tastes. He isn’t trying too hard, but yet his simplicity sets him apart in an increasingly busy world that occasionally befuddles him.

Our hero has bought a motorcycle and a leather jacket. He has begun living live “TO THE xTREME!” and listening to “the rapping music, yo” because he thinks that’s what “the youth” do.

He has donned a new outward appearance that looks like what a corporate executive would imagine today’s kids look like and has started cashing in on all the latest memes four months late. He also, inexplicably, has started using persistent and annoying shorthand and overusing emoji in his texts.

Why is this a thing

And some more.

IS THIS WHAT THE KIDS LIKE?!

So there you have it. The Cruze is a midlife crisis. A desperate attempt to take a perfectly good middle-aged man and make him “chic” and “fashionable” and “hip” with the “eye phones” and the “apple cars play” and yet more cringe-inducing stupid-ass advertising. Fucking ugh . Cadillac, Buick, you’re gonna have to save GM for me because seeing all the emoticons spread around the dealership is going to make me burst a blood vessel soon.

Yes, I said spread around the dealership. GM is so hype about this stupid car that they sent us PACKAGES full of cardboard enormous fucking emoticons. I long for the sweet release of death.

For Sweden > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 04/07/2016 at 19:19

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The Cruz is a better Corolla

Nick Has an Exocet > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 04/07/2016 at 19:21

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I don’t think this car sells to men. I haven’t seen the data but I suspect it’s sold to college grads and women who want a “car”.

dogisbadob > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 04/07/2016 at 19:22

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I see GM kept that stupid black plastic thing behind the rear side windows. And their configurator doesn’t work, either.

At least we’ll finally get the hatchback tho

not for canada - australian in disguise > For Sweden 04/07/2016 at 19:23

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cough

66671 - 200 [METRIC] my dash > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 04/07/2016 at 19:24

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I only accept emojis at the ironic spam level, any less and kind of look like an idiot lol.

For Sweden > not for canada - australian in disguise 04/07/2016 at 19:24

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That is also a better Corolla. However I maintain that the Mazda 3 or the Honda Civic is the Best Corolla.

not for canada - australian in disguise > For Sweden 04/07/2016 at 19:27

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The only compact that isn’t a better Corolla is probably the Lancer, which is a slightly worse Corolla.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > dogisbadob 04/07/2016 at 19:31

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The grille looks like a beak in real life. It’s awful and looks so cheap and plasticky.

interstate366, now In The Industry > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 04/07/2016 at 19:31

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So the Cruze is Harold Slovinski?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > interstate366, now In The Industry 04/07/2016 at 19:33

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Give it the business

Stapleface > not for canada - australian in disguise 04/07/2016 at 19:41

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I’m not sure Mitsubishi dealers even realize they still sell the Lancer

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 04/07/2016 at 19:56

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Yes it’s a stupid, stupid ad campaign but I don’t see this car as a midlife crisis. More like hitting the gym and getting that same pizzazz that made it popular years ago. With an annoying forced ad campaign.

Or just, you know, a new compact sedan following Chevy’s corporate design that looks damn good IMO.

Shankems > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 04/07/2016 at 19:57

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I thought mid-life crisis implied V8s? This is more like, I just got divorced and I need a new car, please don’t laugh.

Bytemite > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 04/07/2016 at 19:59

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Well, the marketing and the emojis are stupid but they did make the car more attractive. It used to look like a bland...car. Now it kinda looks like a Dodge Dart and that paint looks amazing! Much better than driving around in some shade of grey on some unrecognizable blob of a car it used to be.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Logansteno: Bought a VW? 04/07/2016 at 20:11

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It’s stupid and in no way better than what it replaces. Except for the infotainment. The infotainment stack is far better.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Bytemite 04/07/2016 at 20:12

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It looks like every compact car made today. It’s generic as fuck.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 04/07/2016 at 20:26

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The new platform and 20 extra horsepower and 30 more torques are probably better. But y’know.

Sam > Bytemite 04/07/2016 at 20:42

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Nobody will actually buy it in interesting colors, they'll just get it in black, grey/silver, or white.

nermal > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 04/07/2016 at 20:49

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Isn’t a significant part of a real mid-life crisis getting divorced from your wife, buying a Harley and / or Corvette, and pickup up bimbos?

There are no bimbos in this comparison. Unless those are included with the 300hp / awd / manuel version that gets released later.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Logansteno: Bought a VW? 04/07/2016 at 20:54

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Build quality is significantly worse.

boxrocket > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 04/08/2016 at 22:02

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I see a lot of this in the new design:

and a lot of the front of this in the old: